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How To Be More Assertive

What is
assertiveness'

Four styles

Rights and
responsibilities

Positive beliefs

Being direct

Expressing
disagreement constructively

Managing the other
person's behaviour
by enforcing
a process

Building rapport

Focusing on facts

Focusing on
consequences

Stopping put-down
behaviour

Text Book Techniques

Personal
action planning

Expressing Disagreement Constructively

How To Be More Assertive: Part 6

When you disagree with someone, it is often best to be direct and clear, as it avoids an unfortunate misunderstanding. Eg: when someone disagrees they often go quiet; yet silence is often interpreted by others as agreement. Hence, there is a miscommunication.

Disagreement can sometimes feel confrontational, so the assertive approach is to express disagreement in a constructive manner. This involves stating the disagreement clearly, but then following up immediately with one of the following:

1. a proposed alternative
   
   "No I can't take you to the airport. John may know of someone else going to the airport this afternoon - try asking him."
2. asking the other person to think of an alternative
   
   "No, I can't take you to the airport. Who else could you ask'"
3. stating where you agree
   
   "I don't think that idea will work, but I do agree that something needs to be done about it, and we've got to find a solution"

Expressing disagreement constructively can also help to overcome the "Apollo Syndrome", a phenomenon whereby highly intelligent individuals perform badly as a team. The reason is that they keep focusing on disagreements, so spend their time in arguments that go round in circles.